I love the television show “The Biggest Loser.” They take a group of people from different backgrounds that struggle with the same addictions, put them together, and try to help them make good choices and work hard to get back into shape. The first weeks of the show are the best. This is when we see each individual at their lowest point. Most of them want, deep inside, to make the life change they signed up for. The problem is, they have little idea what that really involves. They face some difficult, hard-to-stick-to decisions, and many of them have some sort of breaking point. They come to a moment when reality hits them hard. Everything they have been doing up to this point will not work anymore. The trainers press them hard, trying to make them push through the wall they feel they have hit. One woman this week admitted, “I just have a hard time believing I can do it.” I look at those people and realize I have been there. I have been to the point where I can’t see myself going any further. But where is my personal coach? No one was there yelling at me, no one was standing behind me telling me to press on when I hit those walls. What has made me get up? What has made me decide that I could get past it? I can tell you this much; these moments of encouragement, these revelations, have never been big, loud, and over-dramatic. It has always been a small thing at just the right moment that has opened my eyes.
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And so the planning begins.
How to spend the holidays is always a challenge. My family has a long list of traditions. We’ve always had the entire extended family gather for Christmas Eve. By “entire” I would say, between 25 to 30 relatives and friends piled together in one house.
We’re flexible with the site; it’s usually my Aunt and Uncle’s house with everybody downstairs playing pool or charades. It’s a scene. With all those folks in one place, it can get pretty hot and loud. At midnight, we eat tamales and black beans made from scratch by my mother and 94-year old Grandmother.
We then exchange gifts.
There are more twists to the traditions, but suffice it to say, I could write a novel about numerous other eccentricities in our clan.
Of course, my wife’s family has their own traditions. They get up early on Christmas morning, read the nativity story and then pass out the presents and cap things off with a lavish breakfast.
While it’s expanded since all the children have married, it still remains just the immediate family. Compared to my side, it’s a much quieter affair and since it starts so early in the day, it’s usually followed up by a “long winter’s”nap.
I don’t think that either family’s traditions are better than the other; it’s more a matter of familiarity and personal preference.
When my son was born twenty-two years ago, I remember walking into the neo-natal ICU and seeing that row of incubators full of babies. Most of them were there because they had been born premature like our son, and as we walked to the incubator that sustained our child I remember being amazed at how these tiny children were being so skillfully cared for. I was astounded by all the technology that was working to help these babies, including mine, survive. Last month, my family went to see our niece, who was also born prematurely, in the NICU. I noticed a far more sophisticated setting; the staff still displayed the care and skill needed to help the babies succeed, but the technology and procedures had clearly advanced since our experience.
I know I shouldn’t expect the technology we had all those years ago to still be in use, but the amazing speed at which new and better medical technology is evolving blows my mind. It isn’t just the medical tech; does anyone remember speech pads that cost thousands of dollars, now replaced by commercial, reasonably priced, off- the-shelf tablets? How about apps which serve as learning aids? There are so many of these available now that you have to scour review sites to find the best, and many are free or cost ninety-nine cents. I don’t think there has ever been a greater collection of tools available to help parents and their children succeed. Not only are current technologies a massive step forward, but many others are just arriving or coming soon, and will change the landscape for those with special needs forever. From Google’s self-driving car to exoskeleton technology, we are making ever-greater advancements, giving more and more people with special needs the ability to live a life that may never have been possible before.
We are living in exciting times. But I also see a disturbing trend as people talk about the value of the same lives so many others are working hard to improve.
Many are calling for the right to end a life they esteem less than optimal. This seems so counterintuitive; to spend millions of dollars and years of labor and research developing technology to better lives, and at the same time to lobby in order to allow these lives to be ended. Does that make sense? Doctors who are trained to save lives turn around and take lives, not even seeing this as problematic. This doesn’t really line up with the oath doctors take to do no harm does it? I can’t really get my mind around the two ends of the spectrum. Never has quality of life been better for everyone, yet many don’t see it that way.
One of the largest class-action court cases in quite a while is going on right now. About 5,000 families are suing for the right to get money from the federal government’s special vaccine fund. . These funds were set aside years ago to compensate parents whose children were adversely affected by vaccines.
See one story on the case at: click here
While this is an important case, my concern is not about the specifics, but the emotions surrounding the issue.
There is no consensus or conclusive findings surrounding the link between autism and vaccines. Equally knowledgeable and sophisticated people fall on both sides of the issue. I’ve talked to some parents who are convinced of a link and doctors who aren’t.
I don’t have a child with autism, so I’m somewhat removed from the subject, but I do have one question.
What if it is the vaccines? If parents win this particular case, how does this change your child’s condition?
This year has been a hard year for my family. My son had three surgeries and the third one was because the second one didn't work on one of his legs. We spent all summer carrying a fourteen year old to the couch and to bed. The scandals I see in the paper as well as the election and other minor incidents can make one wonder. Is God in control? The facts are that I have never been promised an easy life. Nor, if I read my bible am I able to understand the master plan. I may get a glimpse once in a while, but I never see the whole picture. My son had a hard time understanding that he would have to have another surgery in six months just to try again. He questions why it had to happen. He blames the interns, but that's another story. The bigger question for me is "Is this part of God-s plan?"Am I ever going to be able to know what the plan is? And how can His plan contain the hardships my family goes through? Well one thing I know, in hard times, it's difficult to see the end. But when I look back on where I've come from, I know that though times have been rough, I am a stronger man for having survived. You know what they say! If I had run away from my problems, that would have just delayed the pain, not make it go away. For all the grief, the straightest way through is straight through. And just maybe, God's plan was for me to learn this lesson as well as others along the way.